Today I found myself thinking about relationships and more precisely – relationship/dating advice. It seems that everyone on the dating scene these days is obsessed with what they should and shouldn’t do in order to attract/keep a partner. It’s enough to look at the articles flooding glossy magazines or visit a self-help/psychology books section in the nearest library. The tempting titles promise to teach you what and when to say, what to write in a text message after the first date, how to spend the dates, what to wear, how to gaze at the person, when and how to initiate a sexual intercourse. The myriad of bestselling book titles will range from “Dating Guru’s 101 Conversation Starters” to “The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating”.I don’t know if it’s just me but I feel like this is starting to go way too far. I find myself asking: what happened to being authentic? Brought up by the pop culture, have we lost our sense of identity so much that we need to turn to it for advice on how to live our lives? Can’t we even start a conversation or come up with a creative way to spend time on our own, without the advice of the “experts”? Have our lives become nothing more but a played out theater, a lie in order to get what we want and who we want? Have we played the society’s game for so long that we have forgotten how to be true, authentic, vulnerable selves?
I’m honestly the last person to be treated as an authority in this particular subject, but I think that true love and a strong, long lasting relationship should start with both parts acting how they feel and being honest about who they truly are deep down. After all, isn’t it so that these small quirks and flaws are exactly what makes us cute and special in the eyes of the other person? Let’s face it – these books and articles which keep on repeating the same advice or on the contrary – contradicting one another, turn us all into a mass of identical, almost “factory made” robots. If every guy/girl coming up to you acted in the very same way and said exactly the same words, wouldn’t it be completely and utterly boring? There wouldn’t be much differentiating them one from another, would there? It makes me wonder whether the world of our grandparents and parents was in this aspect better since no one seemed to need all this advice in order to find a partner or get married.
In the end, the best advice you can ever get is to simply be real. Be your true, honest self and sooner or later, you will find someone who will love you for who you are. What’s more, you will feel good and relaxed with that person because you will know that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else when you’re around them. My biggest problem with the advice on seduction and dating was always that after acting in accordance to it for some time one has to finally grow tired with it and show their true personality. And once they do – the other person will inevitably feel fooled or even tell us that we’ve “changed” and there the problems begin.
If you’re single and you want to find someone, trust me, don’t go on a spiral of search and desperation Bridget Jones – style. Learn to embrace life as it comes and find what truly makes you feel happy. Build your own life before you invite anyone else to it. Nobody wants to enter an empty life that someone else is expecting them to fill in. It can never end good because sooner or later the other person needs to take a breath and indulge in their own passions for a while. You are already whole. You don’t need to find any lost part of your self or a second half. Romantic love is just one of the nice things life has to offer and finding a “partner in crime” who gets you can definitely be a positive experience. All I’m saying is that perhaps it shouldn’t be treated as the only and ultimate goal of our existence.